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The swingset is up and operational. I'll pick up the slide tomorrow. Phew!

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The bundle on the left is what got me. I was lifting from this side when I heard and felt the pop in my back. Ice, 2hrs of rest, and anti-inflammatories and I was back in the game. Sore but back in the game.

Here's the 4x6x16 beam. All the holes are drilled and countered on the other side. I considered lashing it to the top of the van, had it delivered instead.

On the left are the parts for the slide deck. In the middle are the standup post thingies and on the bottom right is the beam. I always call it "the beam" and think of Stephen King's Dark Tower saga.

Tomorrow if I can move, I'll build the platform, move it all into the backyard, and put it all together. With La's help we're gonna have a big erection in the backyard.

Not sorry about that one at all, worked on that one all day.

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The swing set lumber arrived today. One huge 16' beam on one side of the truck and everything else strapped together on the other. The delivery guy pulled the beam off himself like it was nothing but he struggled with the other load, so I asked him if he needed a hand and he said sure.

I got under the load, lifted slightly up and back, and there was that sickening, soul-killing pop sound. We got the load off the truck, I went inside and told La the good news. Ice pack, anti-inflammatories.

That was probably two hours ago. I'm going to head over to the hardware store to pick up a circular saw blade, road test my back.

I'm so embarrassed that I don't even want to call my doc. He's not in on Fridays anyway. Great way to start a four day weekend. Fuck.

No idea what came over me, decided to see if I could set off the carbon monoxide / explosive gas detector with my own farts.

Well actually it came about right after we finished watching tv for the night. I ripped a bunch and excused myself, apologized to La. She said there wasn't really any point to excusing myself as I'd crossed the line long long ago and she was used to it. I said you never can tell, maybe someday I'd pass one fart over the line and if i didnt excuse myself maybe she'd leave me.

And then it occurred to me that earlier I'd mentioned that I wondered if farting into the gas detector would set it off. Perfectly normal train of thought there, right? La freaked, was sure that it'd work and didn't want the alarm to wake up the kids. Didn't matter. I was up the stairs like a shot.

To make sure I got the most out of my charge, I took off my pants. Clad only in drawers and black socks, I crouched near the sensor in the kitchen. I was laughing super hard and was worried I'd poop myself from the laughing and the ridiculous crouch. I dropped a healthy charge right into the sensor and rolled away, laughing hysterically.

No luck.

La was coming up the stairs with laundry and there was a full basket of laundry on the landing next to the hamper, a barricade. I was laughing like a lunatic and felt another charge coming on, skittered back into position and let fly. No luck, was afraid I'd get a hernia from laughing so hard. Got up, went to the stairs to help La bring the laundry up, AND IT WENT OFF!

Like the end of the world it went off, but after a ten to fifteen second lag, as if my farts were so heinous that the sensor had to regain it's wits before it could function. I pulled it off the wall, a big red "GAS" blinking furiously on the screen, siren wailing, ripped the battery out to shut it down.

A banner night. I cannot wait to try this tomorrow with the kids! I can't believe I've been around for 36 years and it never once occurred to me before tonight to try this out.

Listen, I swear to God almighty, if you have one of these in your home YOU MUST GIVE THIS A TRY. IT IS ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNIEST, MOST SATISFYING THING EVER!

These Smashing Pumpkins: Short-haired Billy:

Not these Smashing Pumpkins:

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I'm not sure why, maybe last night's shitty dream. Checked my work email and I'm either pissed off or frustrated with everyone. Maybe it's the weather, all rainy as hell out here. Feels like November and it's still August.

Anyway, here's a picture of a bacon bra. Should help things.

Last night, went to bed, read for awhile, decided to turn in. Had trouble falling asleep so I decided what the heck, let's try a mantra. I went with Om Shanti Shanti Shanti while considering various chakras with each shanti. I had some pretty wild visions going and after a bit I zonked out. Great, attained peace and got some sleep right?

Everything was great until I started dreaming. I had a vivid dream that Lara and I had stumbled upon the set of Smoky and The Bandit 3. As we watched the action unfold, I told Lara that we were witnessing the filming of perhaps one of the all time worst movies ever made. Shot for shot I pointed out all the issues, exactly like this famous youtube video:

It wasn't all that bad but it was annoying as hell because it's a really shitty movie, so I suppose it qualifies as a nightmare. I remember feeling that it was cool but feeling goddamned annoyed the whole time.

Just what in the hell was the universe trying to tell me with that one?

First I went to Lowes and of course there was nobody around to help me so I had to price it all out myself. Came out to around $200, not exact because the 16' beam was on the top rack without a price.

I decided I'd pick up screw and bits, headed to checkout and of course there weren't enough open registers. I waited behind someone who apparently had some issues with their card and I noticed the service desk was checking someone out, so I switched lines.

The service desk is setup so that there's a register on one side and a return spot on the other. I was on the register line behind one person checking out and someone walked up to the service spot. When the guy ahead of me was done the woman helped the guy on the service side that got there after me. I got instantly really pissed, made eye contact with the girl at the register and she turned away and helped the other guy. I dropped my $50 worth of screws and bits on top of the candy rack and walked right the fuck out.

I headed down the street to Home Depot but didn't bother because a jackass in a pickup with a boat trailer cut me off and got into the turn lane ahead of me. Who the fuck goes to home depot with a massive boat trailer? A jackass. Plus it was packed. And I hate home depot anyway.

So I went down the road to Dunn Lumber. There were plenty of friendly folks to help me out. I told Shaun about my project, showed him the plans and the parts list and he gave me a quote. Piece of cake. $225 includes screws, lumber, and delivery. Couldn't have been easier. I think I've got a new hardware store.

I might hit home depot on the way back for kicks. Might pick up a doughnut too.

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I'll at least hit Lowes and Home Depot, might also hit Dunn Lumber.

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